For Such A Time as This

Sleepless nights are really hard to deal with. In these last couple of months, preparing for Haiti, going to Haiti and returning, I have battled a lot of things in my spirit and just yesterday the Lord gave me a "love-tap" and I felt some victory over my sleepless nights. When I was in Haiti, I was realizing how difficult it is to be a missionary to the people in America, and how there is a wall between me and loving them unreservedly and freely, compared to the freedom and absence of that wall of restraint, while I was loving on people in Haiti. It was a refreshing balm for my soul. Then I came home. Here I am today, battling nightmares, facing conflict daily, pursuing Jesus and struggling with all of life's daily battles. Some days I feel victorious and other days I am left wondering what in heaven's name did I accomplish for God's kingdom that day. Well, as far as the nightmares go, I have been praying for Jesus to allow me to wake up with praises on my lips, and a song of worship in my heart, instead of fear and pain. He has been doing that for me faithfully since I have been asking Him to, and even more than that, He gave me a special word. Job 35: 10, " Where is God my Maker, who gives songs in the night?" Nathaniel William Taylor says that, " In order for God to give 'songs in the night,' He must first make it night". I feel like that speaks to my heart on many levels. One, being the difficulty of loving without restraint, the people I serve in my community. There are so many barriers that, at times it is really easy to be discouraged. Another, is conflict. You can't avoid it in life, but I have tried my very best to avoid as much of it as possible, as often as I can, and yet it comes along anyhow. Then, of course there are the sleepless nights...These are things that my heart wrestles with, and then there is a simple promise, a statement really, that God gives songs in the night. It is simple, yes, but it is healing too. I awake every morning with a joyful heart full of praise to pour out to my Jesus, even the nights that I awaken from a bad dream, I am still able to rest in peace from the reassurance of whatever song Jesus has put on my heart. God gave me my time in Haiti to reassure me of His power in seemingly hopeless situations. God gave me a picture of community that handles conflict in a healing and healthy way while I was in Haiti also, so now I have hope because I have seen a family successfully, work through conflict, in a healthy and loving way. It was good to see that what I have been praying for and working towards ( capability of resolving conflict in a healthy way) actually exists somewhere and it is a possibility. Life is hard, and there are all sorts of things that I could be afraid of, but the truth is that my inheritance is Christ, and I have not inherited a spirit of fear, but of a sound mind that is at peace in Christ. God is able to meet all of my needs and to conquer my every fear, because, " There is no fear in perfect love,"( 1 John 4:18) and I believe it is a matter of walking my life out in that truth and trusting in a faithful God.