The servant of the Lord must be gentle...

                                                               2 Timothy 2:24

For Such A Time as This

Sleepless nights are really hard to deal with. In these last couple of months, preparing for Haiti, going to Haiti and returning, I have battled a lot of things in my spirit and just yesterday the Lord gave me a "love-tap" and I felt some victory over my sleepless nights. When I was in Haiti, I was realizing how difficult it is to be a missionary to the people in America, and how there is a wall between me and loving them unreservedly and freely, compared to the freedom and absence of that wall of restraint, while I was loving on people in Haiti. It was a refreshing balm for my soul. Then I came home. Here I am today, battling nightmares, facing conflict daily, pursuing Jesus and struggling with all of life's daily battles. Some days I feel victorious and other days I am left wondering what in heaven's name did I accomplish for God's kingdom that day. Well, as far as the nightmares go, I have been praying for Jesus to allow me to wake up with praises on my lips, and a song of worship in my heart, instead of fear and pain. He has been doing that for me faithfully since I have been asking Him to, and even more than that, He gave me a special word. Job 35: 10, " Where is God my Maker, who gives songs in the night?" Nathaniel William Taylor says that, " In order for God to give 'songs in the night,' He must first make it night". I feel like that speaks to my heart on many levels. One, being the difficulty of loving without restraint, the people I serve in my community. There are so many barriers that, at times it is really easy to be discouraged. Another, is conflict. You can't avoid it in life, but I have tried my very best to avoid as much of it as possible, as often as I can, and yet it comes along anyhow. Then, of course there are the sleepless nights...These are things that my heart wrestles with, and then there is a simple promise, a statement really, that God gives songs in the night. It is simple, yes, but it is healing too. I awake every morning with a joyful heart full of praise to pour out to my Jesus, even the nights that I awaken from a bad dream, I am still able to rest in peace from the reassurance of whatever song Jesus has put on my heart. God gave me my time in Haiti to reassure me of His power in seemingly hopeless situations. God gave me a picture of community that handles conflict in a healing and healthy way while I was in Haiti also, so now I have hope because I have seen a family successfully, work through conflict, in a healthy and loving way. It was good to see that what I have been praying for and working towards ( capability of resolving conflict in a healthy way) actually exists somewhere and it is a possibility. Life is hard, and there are all sorts of things that I could be afraid of, but the truth is that my inheritance is Christ, and I have not inherited a spirit of fear, but of a sound mind that is at peace in Christ. God is able to meet all of my needs and to conquer my every fear, because, " There is no fear in perfect love,"( 1 John 4:18) and I believe it is a matter of walking my life out in that truth and trusting in a faithful God. 

Ministering to the King

I was studying my Bible this morning and was reading in Matthew 26 and the Lord really opened my heart to see something that I think I have missed in that passage before. Verse 10-11 say," But Jesus, aware of this said to them, 'Why do you bother this woman? For she has done a good deed to Me. For you always have the poor with you; but you do not always have me."  I've read this passage many times before, but I had never stopped to think about how Jesus was saying that it was ok, that it was even really good, that this woman made ministering to Jesus a priority. Not doing good, or donating money to the poor or whatever tops the list, but just loving on Jesus and ministering to His heart. That got me to thinking about how I can minister to Jesus' heart today. He isn't exactly a physical, tangible presence, so it is hard for me to anoint His head with expensive oil...So what does that look like for me today? I have been thinking about ministering to Jesus' heart a lot lately, and how in the Psalms it talks about "Blessing the Lord," I mean, how often really do we stop to think about blessing the Lord, or praying a blessing over Him? I know it sounds maybe a little crazy, but I feel like a little girl kissing her Daddy's boo boo or placing a bright pink Dora the Explorer band-aid on it, and I know that it might not do much in a physical sense, but I think we all know that moments like that stick in a Daddy's heart-memories and it grows and strengthens the Daddy-Daughter relationship. After all, that is what this life is about right? Being in relationship with Jesus? And if we are in close relationship with the Father, then our lives will be GLOWING Jesus and living a gospel centered life goes hand-in-hand with that, so sharing the gospel should be second nature to that. I think that because the church is Christ's bride, and because a husband and wife are one, that the best way to minister to Jesus' heart is to minister to His church, His body, His beloved people and in that way I can minister to Him, just like Mary did. I think too that if we are taking care of each other with that perspective, that we are anointing Jesus' head with oil, then our lives will be the testifying to His love, grace and forgiveness...Living a gospel-centered life.
So, how are you going to anoint Jesus' today?
Just some food for thought...

“I discovered later, and I'm still discovering right up to this moment, that is it only by living completely in this world that one learns to have faith. By this-worldliness I mean living unreservedly in life's duties, problems, successes and failures. In so doing we throw ourselves completely into the arms of God, taking seriously, not our own sufferings, but those of God in the world. That, I think, is faith.” 

― Dietrich Bonhoeffer